When a couple gets married, they made a conscious decision that this is the person that they will spend the rest of their lives with. They thought “this is my soulmate, my better half, my prince charming and the queen of my heart. The one I am committed to. The one who will finally give me my happily ever after”.
What these married couples didn’t know is that, according to a study, 30% – 40% of marriages are affected by infidelity. There’s a 30% – 40% chance of that happily ever after to turn into he-cheated-on-me, she-has-an-affair-at-the-office, and I-don’t-wanna-see-you-ever. The fact is people know that cheating is wrong but they do it anyway.
The question is why? Why people cheat on their other half? Sadly, the list of reasons of extra marital affair is super long but motivations to cheat apparently differ by gender. Studies show that men are more likely to commit infidelity than women mainly because men have more testosterone, a hormone that is responsible for the strong desire to have sex. However, in the recent years more women are observed to commit infidelity too.
Some of the popular reasons of why people cheat are:
1) My spouse is too busy paying attention to the kids / career that she/he is not paying attention to me
Let’s be honest, marriage comes with bills to pay, food to put on the table, kids to take care of, and endless pressure to earn more. With these on our plates, it is understandable that our partner has to take the back seat in our list of priorities. Husbands starting to feel frustrated that bedroom actions are decreasing or missing (remember the sex hormone, testosterone?) and wives are irritated that the husbands are not in tune to their feelings or listening to her whines about children’s school and chores. Nobody is winning here.
2) Boredom – I am bored of being with the same person / same routine on the bed / He can’t satisfy me
Marriage is high maintenance. Year after year of being with the same person, the daily routine seems mundane and one could get bored. The once great sex life is becoming some sort of a routine movement. There are no surprises anymore and couples get too lazy to rediscover each other. Although it’s a taboo topic, there are cases where the husband can’t satisfy the wife sexually. When this happens, the easy way out is to get someone new on the bed. Besides, new things are always exciting, right?
That is right (the new-things-are-exciting part, I mean) but what people seem to forget is that with some effort, all marriages can be great. Communicate, take a trip together, buy new sexy lingerie, find new activities to do together, get each other matching accessories to remind you of each other. These might seem petty but they could work.
3) My partner is not as hot as she/he used to be
This is another excuse commonly heard especially (no offense) among men. Over time, especially after giving birth, a woman’s body goes through so much changes. Some are blessed with petite, never-get-fat gene without even trying. However, for most women, getting their pre-baby body back requires hard work. What with a day job, never ending house chores, children and husband that need attention, it’s easy to skip the gym, the salon and forget to watch what they’re eating. Before they know it, they’re twice the size they were and their husbands are making it an excuse not to feel attracted to them anymore.
4) Financial strain
For most cultures and religions, it is the responsibility of the husband to provide for the family and be the breadwinner. However, not all men are ready to take on that responsibility. Some earn less than needed, some share the expenses with their wife, and some don’t even care to provide for his family. According to a study, financial strain is one of the biggest reasons of divorces. When a wife is left alone to provide for the family, the burden can get too heavy to shoulder alone. They’ll confide in other people that can lead to an extra marital affair.
At times, it is the husband that feels the overloaded financial burden – home remodelling, school tuition, that designer bag his wife demanded. He feels that having to confide in the wife would mean that he’s a failure. It’s easier to confide to a friend or a secretary, then one thing lead to another. Without realising it, he’s having an affair.
These are the common reasons why people are being unfaithful towards their spouses. Have a thought or experience to share? What do you think can be done to avoid being a cheater? Let me know in the comment section below!