Everyone couldn't escape reaching the adult phase. The challenging part of adulthood is the obligation to implement all types of commitments. It is the level of the time where we meet many responsibilities in life which includes marriage, parental, families, death, career, buying a house, paying bills, and working hard to create a better life. These things are increasing life value but could get quite stressful, however, it tends to be a normal thing to go through for every adult. Despite that, some people are fearful to step into adulthood. They seem to hate reality and is still living in the past because as a kid or teenager, there are more focused on having fun and getting an education. If you experience this type of fear, you may be afraid of commitment. This experience indicates that you are commitment-phobic or have relationship anxiety.
What is commitment-phobia?
Commitment-phobia is someone being afraid of commitments with strong and deep fearful emotions about it. Usually, commitment-phobe describes their feeling as trapped, can't breathe, and they feel like they are dying inside. Some psychologists call these conditions as having relationship anxiety because some part of it relates to being terrified of responsibilities that come with a relationship.
These conditions develop a high level of stress that could trigger the fight and flight response. In a relationship, it creates confusing "push and pulls" situations for anyone involved. That's because of the "Hot and Cold" mood by the sufferers.
What are the causes of commitment phobia?
The causes may vary as the people who suffer from it. Commitment-phobe is more common in men. But, nowadays, it can also happen to women as well. The common causes of commitment phobia may include;
Unresolved childhood trauma.
Over fear of responsibilities that come with the relationship such as having kids, buying a new house, need a new car, support spouse spending, and so on.
Having a fear of wasting precious time being in the wrong relationships.
Afraid that a relationship could end so suddenly.
Have trust issues because of past failed relationships.
They maybe have childhood needs and attachment issues.
They may be growing up in complicated family dynamics.
They assume that their past and future relationships will have the same results.
Closed-minded about the new relationship.
What happens in the relationship if your PARTNER is afraid of commitment?
The romance is intense and passionate at the beginning of the relationship but then it's immediately over.
It creates confusing, painful, and heartbreaking situations.
They can mess you up emotionally because they will often blame you like everything is your fault.
What happens in the relationship if YOU are afraid of commitment?
You will frequently hurt your spouse.
You will be living in a lot of pain.
You might be ending the relationship because you don't want to hurt anyone.
Questions, are you going through the confusion experienced in your relationships? Do you feel like you may be a commitment-phobe? You maybe don't realize and not sure about it. So, keep read the warning signs below.
THE WARNING SIGNS YOU ARE AFRAID OF COMMITMENTS
You are extremely loving, caring, and charming, especially at the beginning of the relationship. But after you realize the fact that the relationship is growing, you initiate to sabotage the relationship. You start to run away from responsibilities and you also immediately back off if any pressure comes from it.
Surprisingly, you are not pretending to be this way. You truly want the intimacy and connection that comes from the commitment. Unfortunately, you don't understand why you persistently abstain those situations. You might have a lot of negative thoughts about yourself and the intensity of the internal pain. You also have so much confusion about what you are supposed to do. Your plan is often vague, especially about future planning. If you notice, you might be stuttering when your partner asks about your future goals with them.
Other signs are that you often reject opportunities. You run away from good jobs, stability, and the people you love. As a result, you have a lot of problems such as you move around often and an unstable income due to changing jobs frequently. If you have a long history of relationships that don’t work out, try to look at your behavior instead of blaming it all on your exes.
Because of the confusion in what you want, you will always be sending mixed messages to your partner. For example at times you feel you want to get married then the next day you want to postpone.
Moreover, if your partner is asking you to introduce your parents, family, and friends, you are hesitant to do that. You are also unwilling to meet your partner's parents because you are afraid to face a new relationship that brings another commitment.
If you have been in a relationship for some time, another sign you are afraid to enter the next level of your life is that you intentionally postpone your marriage because you know the future consequences. You have to endure all sorts of added responsibilities such as paying more bills. Whereas before you only need to care for yourself.
Because of the commitment-phobic, you are terrified of fixed things like promises. You are always using vague language known as non-committal language. The non-committal language is 'I might,' or 'Maybe I'll...', you don't like to use, 'I will,' or 'I'm going to,' dialog. Other than that, you might also find yourself canceling your date or plans in the last minutes.
So, after you read all the signs, did you noticed something about yourself? If you think you have this phobia, you need to do something about it. The commitment-phobic is internal problems that you live with. It needs to be solved. Seek help from professionals if you keep blaming yourself or have low self-esteem. You also can surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Don't forget to motivate yourself, get busy, and stay independent.
What do you think about commitments? Please feel free to share your opinion in the comment section below.